There are some things I wish I had known before but I guess it is part of growing up... but what if I could write to my younger self? This is what I would write.
I know how you feel. Don't ask me why, but I know your tears, your emotions. I know you feel lonely all the time and feel like no one understands you. I know you are pissed, frustrated, confused, sad, all the same time but trust me, don't keep it in and don't lash it out on the world either and on those who care about you. Go talk to your parents about how you feel, even if you think they won't understand because the truth is they will. Turn your wrong emotions into something beautiful. Force them to listen to you, to give you what you need. You need them, don't put them away because you will regret it one day, thinking back at all the things you have missed. Your parents are there for you.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
I am not saying it will be easy. I cannot say this. However, it will be worth it in the end. You will do good around you. I know you will do great things. How you feel at the moment will not always be like this. Don't hurt yourself because I know you are doing it right now, mentally and physically. Don't try to kill yourself because what is killing you at the moment will be why you are alive and doing good later. You might be lonely right now but it will end one day. You will meet your best friend Marie, your boyfriend Elie and your cat Tinder. They will be your world and your parents will also be part of it.
Believe in yourself and trust nobody. People will try to abuse you because they see something in you that you don't see but one day, you will. You will understand why they were abusing you: you have something they don't. Don't let this happen, you will discover by yourself your true beauty and how intelligent you are. You are powerful, your mind and your body are strong, stronger than you think at the moment.
“people say things
meant to rip you in half
but you hold the power to not
turn their words into a knife
and cut yourself”
You will survive, Camylle. You will be proud of yourself. Proud of what you have accomplished. Follow your dreams. You are so beautiful. Don't hate yourself. You will be a survivor, you are not going to give up. You hold a power, a power so great but you don't know it yet. You have the power to understand people and to understand yourself and this will help you grow and achieve your goals, your dreams, the same dreams you are day dreaming about right now.
Love yourself first. You don't like yourself. You hate what you see in the mirror but in the future, you will love it. You will accept your flaws and you will learn that you have to open yourself and start accepting who you are.
Thank you for reading,