Updated: Aug 28
I have to live with really bad anxiety. Generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and post traumatic choc disorder. I am constantly working on it and that's not really something I talk about. However, listening to a lot of people made me realize I'm not alone and it is by talking about it that we can help.
What are these types of anxiety?
generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Characterized by excessive worry about everyday things, which normally are not a source of constant dread for most other people. Excessive worry about such a thing is not uncommon for people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. You might also experience frequent heart palpitations or unwanted, worrisome thoughts.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder results in repeated, unwanted thoughts and rituals that interfere with everyday living. For example, if you have OCD, you may leave your house worried that you left the stove on. Even after returning to your house three or four times, you will still not be convinced that your stove is in fact off.
Some coping mechanisms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are rituals that will prevent something “bad” from happening, such as washing your hands several times to prevent disease.
Panic Disorder is characterized by panic attacks. Panic attacks are sudden waves of terror in which your body may convulse, you may experience difficulty breathing, and you may think you are dying. Panic attacks usually subside after about half an hour, but they can leave you feeling fatigued and unable to continue with your day. While experiencing a panic attack once or twice in your lifetime is not out of the ordinary, repeated attacks in a week- or month-long period are a sign of Panic Disorder.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can develop after you have experienced something out of the ordinary that has “shocked” your world. You may relive this event in the form of daydreams or nightmares, and you may be unable to conduct normal affairs due to the bouts of anger and depression that are often symptoms of PTSD. You are going to have flashbacks of the events. The traumatic experience that triggers PTSD may be prompted by a variety of events.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Social Anxiety Disorder, or social phobia, can leave you unable to leave your house for fear of being judged by others. Not only is it difficult for people with a social phobia to maintain friendships, but it may also be hard to hold down a job, go grocery shopping, or even collect mail from the mailbox. If you have Social Anxiety Disorder, you are constantly worried about what others think of you and can lead up to the point that you may avoid social interactions altogether.
I live with this
Everyone shows their best days on social medias. No where you will see someone sharing its weakness. In real life, everyone has bad days and it is human so I'm trying to be more opened and inspire you. The answer is yes, I have to live with this everyday, every second.
This is me crying. Yes, I take pictures of my face every time I have a panic or anxiety attack. I can keep track of how I looked like when I reacted to something that wasn't true or rational.
Do I look like someone who lives with this? No. Do other people know I live with this? Some do. Is it stopping me from living? It used to. Do I feel like a burden? No. Did I ever felt like a burden? Yes. Am I a burden? No.
Why should I feel ashamed?
Why should you feel ashamed?
It is a real pain in the ass to live with this. It is also a scary thing to say to someone... You are afraid of being rejected, laughed at, etc. For example, I would love to meet someone with who I can build my life with and share my life with. I have been single for... ever really. Don't get me wrong, I've had ''boyfriends'' but never really loved someone. Now, I'm in a point in my life where I have my shits together and would love to meet someone and fall in love. My brain is no one's problems but mine. My family and close one are aware but I almost never let them see when my anxiety is high because I've managed how to react or where to go when I feel it. Anyway, I have met men that I was interested in but as soon as I told them that I had anxiety... they ran away.
It is a part of me. It is not something to hide because it can explains some behaviors really easily. That is the reason why I tell it to my close friends. However, I am receiving all the help I need and don't want to be helped by anybody else. It's a taboo. These kinds of behaviors, like running away, is what is scaring me to talk about it.
I am not crying all the time in a corner. Not at all. There are a lot of misconceptions about anxiety disorders. Truth is, a lot of people suffering from anxiety disorders and you will never know or you could never guess. It is something happening inside that don't have physical manifestations you could recognized, or just no physical manifestations at all.
The big elephant in the room
Many people do not understand anxiety, because it is not always rational. They ask:
"Why worry about something that may never happen?"
"Why don't you just stop worrying?"
If only it was that simple. One of the worst parts of having an anxiety disorder is the fact that you know the things you worry about don't make sense, but you can't stop thinking about them.
Anxiety can be embarrassing. When you are in the gym having a great work out, and out of nowhere, your heart starts racing, you feel like you can't catch your breath, you get dizzy, and everyone starts to look at you. You feel weak because you feel like you can't handle stress that everyone else can just brush off. People with anxiety did not ask to be this way; it is not something that can be just turned off.
What can we do?
Let's just start talking about it.