If you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for being here. A new chapter of my life is being written right now. In fact, not a new a chapter but a new book. I closed my first book, with tears in my eyes as I remembered what had been written in it. Now, it is time to spread my wings and fly.
As you might have realized, I took some time off my website and the gym. I suffered a lot of injuries in the last year and it forced me to take a break physically. Mentally, I was going through a hard time. I don't know how I managed to deal with everything... but I did. The only place I could let go all of my emotions, the gym, was now impossible for me. I was tired, mentally and physically drained, then, COVID-19 happened and my life changed (that will be for another blog post). In short, I've met the man of my life, took a break from work (quarantine not giving me a choice) and I took a step back to see where I was going and why was I feeling this way. That's when it popped right in my face. The answer I was looking for was right in front of me. However, the process was not easy but it was necessary. Now, I'm officially back in my own office, doing my own business... and nothing will ever stop me again.
My mental process
the first step
Realizing I was not fitting in. I've always been the black sheep. We’ve all been in positions where we felt out of place or not accepted for whatever reason. For me, that’s been my life. I’ve always been that person that stood out. And what makes you an outcast is what makes you unique, and you should harness that. Being a black sheep gives you creative license to do things differently. I was working in a place where I would get bullied everyday. Bullied for being different. My way of thinking was different, my appearance was different, everything about me was seen as a threat or as incorrect. I have suffered a lot from it and one day, I realized I was done. It was over.
Realizing I was not happy. I was like a pale copy of myself. I couldn't enjoy anything. The only thing I could enjoy were my tears... because that meant I was feeling something. As sad as it gets, that's the truth. Then, something happened. I've met someone. Someone different, someone who would make me see the world in a different way. He was making me nervous in a good way, making me feel a million positive things at the same time, making me feel important. I fell in love. It's like all the negativity disappeared.
He brought me back to life. He made me feel something I thought I would never feel: love. Furthermore, he made me realize that my own happiness was solely depending of me. He is now part of my life and he supports me through it all. I am done suffering, living in pain. I chose to do what makes me happy. Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Realizing my worth. That was probably the hardest part. I had realized my worth before but the last year put me down heavily. I worked so hard for the last few years on myself... I could not let me down again. When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t. You need to love yourself, because at the end of the day, that's all you have. You need to trust yourself. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own.
Realizing that I own my life. No one can decide for me who I will be. I am human and I decide for myself. Too many times, people tried to put me in a box, tried to tell me what I could and could not do. Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what you deserve. And don’t settle for less.
Realizing that my past is my past and it's time to move on. I have a dark past, a dark story, like many people. I have been through hell and back but what didn't kill me got me stronger.
Thank you to everyone for being there. Thank you for trusting me. I love you all and sending you good vibes.